Tati’s Toasts

I love weird little desert towns (2024-04-12)

It’s more realistic for Cloud to mess it up but maaan (2024-04-01)

Augh I’ve messed up so many conversations in ffvii 🫠 (2024-04-01)

Lifestream fountain RTS: 4/5. It’s fine!! But I didn’t set up my own gambits. But why are there 2 whole RTS minigames in here (2024-03-31)

I guess they give him a pass for being mako poisoned but that’s not normal mako poisoning behavior (2024-03-27)

It makes that scene (which I like!!) also extra weird because… bro I would be so afraid of someone who TRIED TO KILL ME BUT DOESN’T remember. Like you figure that shit out. You can’t just kinda forgive that and then ignore it. I hope they address this later. It’s gonna bother me. (2024-03-27)

I feel like they are trying to establish a better relationship between Cloud and Tifa before act 3 but hoooo boy man I wish Cloud didn’t try to kill her before they actually talked seriously about anything. Because it makes everyone feel extra irrational for keeping him around. They KNOW he’s dangerous now waay before it becomes apparent in the original. Why is Barrett even keeping him around? Acting off sometimes is normal. Nearly killing your friend is not. (2024-03-27)

Situps: 1/5. Stop making button mashing a required input!!!! (2024-03-27)

Helvelica (2024-03-27)

Flying Chocobo: 1/5 I can’t drive this bird (2024-03-27)

Mushroom Picking Minigame: 1/5 too hard because the feedback is bad (2024-03-25)

Clanger Chicken Fishing Game: 3/5, extremely frustrating, creates a weird amount of tension. Would be 2/5 but gets an extra point for being so funny. -Arielle guest minigame review (2024-03-25)

Hope this helps (2024-03-24)

Sharks are a kind of guy (2024-03-24)

Oh no the Cloud and Tifa stuff is gonna kill me 😭🥺🥺🥺 (2024-03-20)

The fuckin’ default unreal engine lighting is killing me though. (2024-03-20)

Desert Rush: 4/5 Whack Box with 1 additional mechanic. Honestly worse than og Whack box because the destruction animation on the boxes feels less satisfying? (2024-03-20)

Chocobo Racing: 4/5. It feels weird to play something with the controls of Mario Cart without the offense items. Makes it kinda boring. The one race I did was really easy though, maybe it’s more interesting if the npcs are better? Give it 4/5 because I don’t hate playing this like the original chocobo race in ff7 or the one in ff14 (2024-03-20)

Honestly I think the closest gameplay experience to FF7 Rebirth is actually Skyward Sword. The design of the outdoor locations feel more like the weird outdoor sections in Skyward Sword than the more “realistic” open world games. The world layout itself is bizarre and videogame-y. (2024-03-20)

Barrett Rail shooting section:3/5 kinda too hard to aim (2024-03-18)

Ah yes keeping the legacy of Tonal Whiplash going (2024-03-18)

Leapfrog: 2/5. Pretty trivial and too slow. Fighting as a frog is much more fun. (2024-03-16)

G Bike: 2/5 the bike minigame from Remake, with 1 added mechanic. This didn’t get a 1/5 because it addresses the worst part of the original which was blowing the spin attack. Spin attack now much larger and attacks forward. (2024-03-16)

3D Brawler: 1/5. I legit can’t do this due to being confused by left and right. Too slow otherwise. (2024-03-16)

Space Rangers: 3/5. Pretty easy, a little boring. But gets 3 points because I didn’t have to do it multiple times. (2024-03-16)

Pirate Shooting game Mode 2: 3/5. Pretty challenging but satisfying to get better at it. (2024-03-16)

Run Wild Mode 2: 2/5. Red is very hard to control (2024-03-16)

Hue hue hue the straight panic I feel when healing lol. But one of these blue mages was a little troll-y, so I was doing ok. I didn’t die myself which is… not awful (2024-03-13)

Ah I looked too far into my past, now I have malaise (2024-03-12)

Segway/Wheelies “minigame”: 10/5 so fucking funny (2024-03-11)

Barrett interactions are the best because he tells Cloud when he’s being an asshole and is also genuinely excited about things (2024-03-08)

At this point FF7 Rebirth is Warioware made in Unreal Engine 5 (2024-03-07)

Assassinate someone with a throwing star minigame: 3/5. Feedback kinda confusing but not hard. (2024-03-07)

Gun Salute Minigame: 4/5 the same as the dance minigame but with slightly different inputs. Still kinda annoying but I don’t suck at it. (2024-03-07)

Not a fan of characters that are obsessed with the player character, it’s always so annoying and unmotivated. WOL like, doesn’t even talk and Cloud barely responds to this guy. (2024-03-06)

Rebirth gets 10/10 if it undoes all of Advent Children (2024-03-06)

Dolphin Minigame: replaces the CPR minigame which was the 2nd most unhinged minigame in the original. RIP CPR minigame. 3/5. Would probably be fun? If I wasn’t too tired to comprehend it at first. Has the advantage of being short with simple controls. (2024-03-05)

Hmm sure do love the period of time after cooking meat where I wonder if I did it wrong/bad. (2024-03-04)

Unfortunately I have reached the time where I just stare and into space without an idea of how to decide what to do. (2024-03-04)

Me: No fear “Minigame checkpoint saved” Me: One fear (2024-03-02)

Chocobo Catching Minigame: 3/5. Not fun, but also not difficult. (2024-03-02)

You cannot make me go talk to Chocobo Sam. Fuck that guy (2024-03-01)

The sight lines and lighting in Nibelheim are also bad because I think they stuck to the OG’s overhead layout too closely (2024-03-01)

But I also have to crit the lighting which is AWFUL. WHY did they put the full hdr lighting in the menu??? It looks like 1 sun lamp and they just prayed the bounce light would fill it in ok. They look like they are all getting roasted. They’re blown out with dark shadows over their eyes man!!!! (2024-03-01)

That being said I still enjoy the town/city environments. Kalm is very nice and layered, with nice little nooks. Makes me sad I can’t just sit at a cafe table like in FFXIV. (2024-03-01)

They also made the grass the weird overworld green color from the original game while also making it extremely detailed. Such a weird choice. Makes everything feel bizarre. (2024-03-01)

Ah I figured out why it’s off-putting. It feels like a diorama because every single object has the same level of detail, and it’s all in focus. Tbh Baldur’s Gate also feels like this but it’s sliiightly better because you’re meant to look at it from a largely overhead view. While FF7 is more standard 3rd person view. (2024-03-01)

Standing a corner while Red XIII knocks over every single object with his tail. (2024-03-01)

Please have some kind of hierarchy of detail. It’s totally fine!! 🫠 The road can be kinda flat!! (2024-03-01)

Man the environment style for FVII-3 is extremely detailed for no good reason. It feels like when you draw something when you’re 13 and outline every single leaf in black. It’s s little off putting tbh. (2024-03-01)